Our Words can be destructive

Have you ever considered what you say and how it is said ripples out to the world. Words filled with joy and excitement become contagious to everyone around us. Words spoken in anger can pierce to the core. This is not news. We all have experienced the good and the bad in communication haven’t we!

Recently someone we view as a friend spoke very harsh words. Words that were cutting and angry and had no filter or understanding that they were distructive. They did not realize we heard this – the words were spoken to each other. We were just in ear shot. And we were speechless. Odd how just a few words spoken in selfish anger could haunt us for a few days. Honestly while i think we made our peace with it, the words still echo though the hallows of my soul. How do you handle these type of communications?

Handling harsh words requires a combination of emotional control and boundary setting. Pause before reacting, recognize the remark as a reflection of the speaker’s own stress, and use assertive communication to defuse the situation.

A strategic, step-by-step approach can help you manage and move past negative comments:

1. Control Your Initial Reaction

• Take a pause: Before you say anything, take a slow, deep breath. Silence is often a powerful tool that prevents you from escalating the conflict.
• Quit taking it personally (QTIP): Remind yourself that a person’s harsh words are almost always a projection of their own insecurities, stress, or unhappiness, not a true reflection of your worth.
• Visualize a shield: Imagine the negative words simply bouncing off an energetic field or visualize them passing through you like a sieve, preventing them from lodging in your mind.

2. Formulate an Assertive Response

• Ask a calming question: Force the speaker to evaluate their own behavior. Try responding with, “What did you mean by that?” or “What are you hoping to achieve by talking to me like that?”
• Enforce a boundary: Firmly let the speaker know the behavior is unacceptable. You can simply state, “Please do not speak to me with that tone,” or “I am not willing to continue this conversation right now.”
• Repeat to clarify: If the comment was meant to belittle, calmly asking, “Can you repeat that?” or stating “I’ll let you reconsider how you just spoke to me,” forces them to realize how they sound.

3. Process and Let Go

• Separate the ego: View the attack as directed at your ego rather than your core self.
• Write it down: If you are feeling angry or hurt, get it out of your system by writing out exactly what you wanted to say (or venting in a private journal) without actually sending it.
• Learn from the experience: People who treat others poorly serve as a lesson in how not to treat people.

Dealing with people can be an adventure.