Forgiveness and Memory

What’s something you’ve forgiven but haven’t forgotten?

In 2010 we had what Queen Elizabeth would call our Annus Horiblis – our horrible year.  In February just after Steve’s birthday his boss eliminated his job and layed him off. Concerned about this being a stressful time, and believing that honesty is always best I went to my boss, and explained what was happening. Rather than listening and understanding she began to show me that she was targeting me as one of the people in the department that would be eliminated, and in May of that year she announced that I would be layed off but I needed to keep working until they were ready to do this.  For a month I continued to do my job to the best of my skills, and one June day I came back from lunch to be told i could not go back to my desk.  Then, as if I were a criminal she sat with me and went through everything of my contents  – Is that your photo/picture frame? It was my husband’s photo.  Is that your pen?  It was a cheap pen one of the banks handed out…. you can keep it.  This went on for 20 minutes, then the walk to the door with security like i was a criminal.  

I have to admit that for a few weeks i sat with my thoughts,  ranging from peace to horrific thoughts of anger.  The year was looking like a stressor we have never known.  I still had my little part time job too, which at least brought some income in but not a lot.  I was so very frustrated that politics, toxic attitudes and evil were totally disrupting my life.  Then a friend sat me down and said that unforgiveness would destroy me..  She spoke of a historic fact that in the Roman Empire when a prisoner died they would chain him face to face with another prisoner.  No escape – horrific small, horrific image.  She said this unforgiveness was like that in my life.  And let it go.  The wisest thing she said was give the situation over to God and give that boss over to god and watch what happens. 

 I dont really know what happened to that boss (and honestly i dont really care), but I can tell you that letting go and forgiving her opened a floodgate of new opportunities for me.  We began a business that has just turned 16 years old and is doing well.  I learned that for years I was exposed to other people’s biases, prejudices and political manipulation and that day in 2010 broke that cycle.  Forgiveness has allowed me to see life differently.  And forgiveness has made me pity that woman who showed who she really was…. cruel, evil, jealous and angry.  She did show a capacity to have compassion with me.  I will always remember that attitude and that ice princess outlook.  But I did forgive her and give her over to God. She is not my problem.  She is in God’s care