Working and living around people will quickly give great joy or deep sorrow. People bring a strong sense of personality and a varied type of communication style. It was in the year 2000 that i first heard the term “Passive Aggressive” used and explained. (Oddly enough it was the subject of someone i worked with who detested that personality style, however according to everything in the description should have had her photo attached to that style. ) What on earth was she talking about, and why are some people so vastly different in how they approach life?
Our communication style, and our personality are made up of many layers.
Beliefs: Starting with our beliefs, we tent to treat others based on what we believe and think of them, and of our selves. Do we choose to value others more highly than ourselves? Or think of ourselves more superior to others? Do we believe that it is a standoff – you believe what you wish, and i will believe what i wish, never coming to a mutual agreement or consensus? or to you see everyone as equal, peers.
Emotions: Oddly 3 of the 4 categories of communication style are driven by either fear or rejection. Fear is oddly not the opposite of bravery but instead it is rooted in deep seated insecurity, with a need to always be in some sort of control. Anger comes from the same place as fear, but is manifested differently. The only healthy emoitional type is the Assertive person.
Non Verbal: Non verbal actions involve what your body is doing to confirm or validate your communication. How do you present yourself in the space. Passive people will shrink down, hunch over, try to minimize their presence. Aggressive people bulk up, try to many the most of the space the y are in, and make people aware that they are large and in charge.
Behavior: How are we communicating – do we choose to keep quiet, or explode with emotions, withhold a response or communicate in a way that masks the true thoughts?
Goals – each communication style has a goal or hope of an outcome. In the graph above you can the goals vary from WIN/WIN to LOSE/LOSE
Here is a chart that goes into more detail about the components of communication style:
If there is one ideal personality communication style, it would be the Assertive personality. They are comfortable in their skin, aware of others, and of themselves, respectful, positive, willing to contribute and valueing the contribution others make. They are the peacemakers that effectively communicate that bring out the best in everything.